Mobilise your Mother

“Don’t mind them - they’re just jealous!”

A token phrase that I heard from my very Irish Mammy at several points throughout my youth, usually in response to some inconsequential slight or minor taunt on the school playground.

I have grown up a lot since then and while I may not need to hear this phrase or be reminded that I should wear a coat when it’s cold outside, my mother continues to pretend that no time has passed. To her I will always be the child in need of protection, encouragement and reminders to wear gloves in the winter. Therein, lies an entire well of untapped resources - The Power of our Mammies.

I was born on June 22nd 1988 which, if you ask my mother, was actually the longest day of that year. The moment I entered this world she had plans for me. She wanted me to be happy and healthy. She wanted me to grow up, to get a good job, to be successful, to get married, to have a family of my own. Nowhere in her plan did me being gay feature. My coming out, while not a complete shock to her, did of course represent a challenge. Not because I was now living a life of sin or because who I am was against the teachings of the Church but because being gay was never in her plan for me. She thought I would now lead a lonely life, never get married or have a family. Suddenly, her hopes and dreams for me seemed less achievable.

She paused for a moment, she gathered her thoughts and she got on with things - in true Irish Mammy style. She educated herself, she realised that all those dreams she had for me were still achievable, just in a different way. She started to enquire as to whether i’d met ‘anyone I liked better than myself.’ And when I did (eventually) find that someone, she welcomed him into her home as she would one of her own children, whispering in my ear, ‘God, he’s very handsome!’ when his back was turned. She tells all our relatives how he’s a ‘lovely chap’ and ‘it’s like he’s been coming here for years.’ I’m starting to wonder does she like him more than she likes me.

10 years ago, my mother would probably have been indifferent to this forthcoming referendum. She may have even been against it. In that time her viewpoint has changed because of the love she has for me.

She will be voting yes and she will be encouraging everyone she knows to vote yes too. For her only son, his friends, his community and his relationships. All of which are worthy of the same constitutional protections as those of her two heterosexual daughters.

And everyone will listen, for there is great power to be found in what mothers say about their children.

And so, I say to everyone mobilise your mammy, ask her to talk to her friends and work colleagues about this. She can change their minds in a way that we can’t.

To my own mother, I say thank you for everything. I am so lucky to have you.

19.3.15